So my start to 2012 has been anything but happy actually. I started the year off in a low mood and in pain (muscle spasms in my back which is at its worst in the early morning) and as January moved into its second week things went further downhill. I woke up on the 11th in terrible pain everywhere. I felt like in the night I had been beaten to a pulp by a world champion boxer. As well as the battered and bruised feelings all over me I had sharp stabbing pains in my neck, shoulders and lower back. Just sitting up in bed was a test of endurance. Initially I didn’t have any numbness or MS sensations in my right leg or foot (which I've had with every relapse so far) so I didn’t immediately connect my pain with MS but, after a couple of days they appeared and I realised I was probably fighting an infection.
When you have MS other infections such as a common cold can spark off MS symptoms or make others like fatigue even worse for a while. In this case it was a nasty throat infection. On the Monday morning my throat had closed down and I could hardly swallow so some hefty antibiotics and a few more duvet days and things were starting to settle down again.
I had a massage booked at a Spa a week later (Birthday present from my kids) and I made myself well enough for that. I’m a bit of a stubborn old goat and I didn’t want to disappoint my son and daughter and have to cancel their lovely thoughtful gift for me. Oh and the sound of warm essential oils massaged into my back and neck sounded wonderful as long as I said those essential words ‘be gentle with me!’ to the therapist. My Spa day was heaven and having my son and daughter stay the weekend (they both live in London) was a real boost to my crappy negative mood but unfortunately it was short lived.
It’s now February and I still wake nearly every morning with pain. I have conversations with myself in my head every day
"You should go to the Doctor and try some other medication...."
"Yeah but maybe I should just wait a bit longer and see if it will settle on its own ...."
"I’m ok, and I can deal with it.... "
"Oh God I hope I'm not stuck with this pain.... "
I feel a bit lost in my head at the moment. Everything feels like such an uphill struggle and I know I’m not coping emotionally very well. I need to get my head straight. I need to find the positive Deb in me.
I need my mojo back.
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